:: 7/15/04

Q: cq field-day, cq field-day, this is VE7ECC, cq field-day

A: YOU DESERVE SOME KILL.

 

Q: OOK? OOK OOK? EEK OOK?

A: NO ONE SAYS THAT ABOUT MY MOTHER AND GETS AWAY WITHOUT KILL.

 

Q: Where is my head?

A: KILL.

 

Q: Zog yes or Zog no?

A: KILL ZOG.

 

Q: Since Mama Zora makes voodoo dolls of whomever activates her, what would happen if Shaedoll put in a quarter?

A: GOOD QUESTION. KILL.

 

Q: Can you send something out to eat the Lion King? Simba is starting to drive me nuts.

A: NO KILL.

 

Q: I type stuff into this box and it goes away and NEVER COMES BACK!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

A: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

 

Q: If chickens were blue, would mustard come in cheese wheels? And why the platypus?

A: PITY KILL.

 

Q: Who would win a battle to the near-death: Golem, or Fruitcake?
- Chance

A: GOLEM SMASH.

 

Q: Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

A: KILL?

 

Q: Marco.

A: POLO. KILL. YOU FELL FOR MY KILL TRICK.

 

Q: Dude! Nope, that wasn't a question. At least you are paying attention.

A: PAY ATTENTION TO KILL.

 

Q: No hablas french.

A: OK.

 

Q: Happy Birthday!

A: THANK YOU IT IS NOT MY BIRTHDAY. KILL.

BOW DOWN BEFORE KING MONKEY DEATHBOT OR KILL!

:: 7/08/04

Q: Why does it seem that every election year the ones not running are the ones I think we should vote for?

A: Well, I don't think convicted felons can run for public office.

 

Q: Isn't the fact that the daily show wants to interview my mom in one of their fact news stories the coolest thing ever?

A: I might be more impressed if I knew what the Daily Show is. It sounds like it's on TV. My reception has been terrible ever since my crazy neighbor covered his house in tinfoil. I've been watching more DVDs.

 

Q: how is it that Ms. Harper is over 200 years old, yet only looks 20, 23 at most? Doesn't have to do with the transdimensional effects that make the RDT "younger" compared to the outside world?
-Hack Anslash

A: I refer you to this room. If you tell anyone, I get to have one of the hideous monsters here kill you.

 

Q: May I nibble on your extremities?

A: I'm married.

 

Q: If an army of angry squirrels attacked, would you protect me?

A: No. I would call this the Zelda Chicken effect, and say that you had done something to deserve it, like hitting a squirrel repeatedly  with your sword because it makes a fun noise.

 

Q: What exactly is a positronic Manticore?

A: I think he's a Virgo.

 

Q: What is the average velocity of an unladen swallow?

A: About 24 miles per hour.

 

Q: I don't know why the Golem was wary of my intentions, I really don't have an ulterior motive; but if you don't think it would be safe to give me all the information on the Robots at the RDT, couldn't I just get the blueprints for the monkey deathbots, so I could build one or two. or three. or a few battalions. For experimentation, of course. Please?

A: Yes, you couldn't.

 

Q: How many people in the RoDT can speak more than one language? How many speak a language other than English as their first language? And why are Romance languages so dang SEXY?

A: I took German in high school. I only remember the word for bathroom. I'm not sure how many Ms. Harper knows, she sort of takes up weird things as hobbies, and she's had time to practice. I'm not sure about Blue, either. I think she knows Spanish. Everyone else is a ghost, thing, entity, monster, or other non-person.

 

Q: Where do you keep the truly dangerous stuff, like your girlfriend's ugly friends? (You know, the ones who keep telling her she can do better than you.)

A: Are they only ugly because they don't like you, or are you just biased? I think that 1: they're probably just looking out for their friend, 2: have you made an attempt to get to know them? 3: if they really have no basis for saying that, your girlfriend can tell them to shut up if she doesn't like it, and 4: they could be right.

 

Q: Is there any porno in the RDT?

A: Not since Davis left and cleaned out his locker. Pornography isn't dangerous.

 

Q: How did the RDT get started?

A: Ask, and I deliver (a year and a half ago).

 

Q: Has anyone suggested rebranding "The dangerous underwear room" to "Pants of doom"? And if so, how long did they survive, counting from when Mz. Harper found out?

A: Pants and underpants are two completely different garments. One intern kept putting up a new sign labeled "The Panty Pantry," which Ms. Harper actually thought was fairly clever. We just didn't get off our butts to make a new sign for it.

 

Q: How does the RDT keep track of intangible dangerous things, ie: stupidity?

A: The mailbox seems to work allright most of the time.

Just kidding. You know we like letters. They don't try to kill us or get us lost because they're bored.

:: 7/01/04

Q: I HAVE HAIR ON MY CHEST GREATER THAN THAT OF 1,000 VIKING MEN! RAWR! RAWR! RA-(chokes on a hairball)

A: O.K. then. Hairy men are gross.

 

Q: What are some dangerous things on Mars?

A: Martians.

Suckers.

 

Q: Could I sleep with Blue?

A: No. :)

 

Q: Is Davis coming back?

A: No. :)

 

Q: Speaking of bras, a friend of mine needs one with a horizontal rainbow-striped pattern. While the bra isn't specifically dangerous, the uses to which it will be put may be. I can't say for sure, he's a bachelor. Any ideas where he can get one?

A: Transvestites are so much fun. And most are good dancers! Not very good fashion sense, though (which is obvious from your letter). Trust me, that rainbow-striped bra looks much better on me.

 

Q: What would be the best way to restore a universe you accidentally erased from existence?

A: Ctrl-Z.

It works in real life too, you just need a Word Processor of the Gods. No, you can't borrow ours. I would be sad.

 

Q: Which is more dangerous: well meaning idiots who (somehow) manage to get into public office or genuinely evil politicians?

A: Those who are both evil and idiots. You can be well-meaning and still genuinely evil. I'm not naming any names though. I hate those conversations. Next.

 

Q: What? This isn't a magic eight ball?

A: No, this is Blue. I don't think I'm much more helpful than a magic 8-ball though. Maybe I should get the really magic 8-ball....

 

Q: Where did all this blood come from?

A: Probably from that crazy hallway. I don't like that place. It's creepy. The statues look at you funny. Also they bleed. Hence the blood.

 

Q: What, or better yet whom, is the Pennywise Mrs. Harper has mentioned in past Ask the R.D.T.?

A: Pennywise is a what. He lives in your bathroom sink's pipes, and the sewers. He laughs blood.

 

Q: Should I go to class or investigate more of the RDT?

A: You should go to class. You don't want to be like Davis. Poor kid. :(

 

Q: How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol Hordes got bored?

A: Only enough to eat through the winter.

Also, Mulan was a good movie.

 

Q: Who let Andreas KOMPRESSOR out of the RDT?! Now he's going to CRUSH m.....

A: I don't know who that is. I did see a German car with the model name Kompressor. It made me think you would drive into things with it. Not the best car name. It would be like having a Subaru Smashinator.

 

Q: How Leprosy is affected? Is it dangerous?

A: Leprosy isn't dangerous. It's an affliction where you're covered with patches of green food dye, flour, and water. You can get rid of them by stabbing hundreds of needles into your back. Or you could eat them.

 

Q: There can be only one... sorry.

A: I think you're the one who will be sorry. :)

Going to go investigate a funny noise now... where's that crowbar?