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The Collected
Prophesies of Christine Parkins of South Wickford, NH
Christine Parkins asked
for little from life except a roof over her head and a job to pay for it.
Hired as a secretary for a small office, Christine found herself entering
trances if she typed for too long. She would be struck with revelation (or
hijacked by daydreams, perhaps) and jot her glimpses of the future on
handy scraps of paper. She thought nothing of them, and neither did her
co-workers, until one day, she simply vanished from her desk. Her
co-workers were spooked by the note-holder and sent it to the RDT for
safekeeping. |
Hand of Glory
The term the "hand of
glory" is believed to be derived from the French "main de glorie" or "mandrogore,"
and is related to the legends of the mandrake. The mandrake plant grows
under the gallows of a hanged man. Hands of Glory are made from a hanged
criminal's hand, pickling and drying substances, wax, and human tallow.
Burning a hand of glory inside a building was believed to immobilize
everyone inside. This legend probably stemmed from the fact that most
people would be too horrified by a burning hand to do much but stare and
gag. This made it popular with idiot thieves throughout the ages. What
many people don't know, however, is that depending on the type of
criminal, which hand is used, and the "curing" process employed, different
hands can do different things. This hand, for instance, smells minty
fresh. It is also an effective in-law repellant. |
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Leprechaun's Gold
Leprechauns are known
for their craftiness and magical trickery, especially when it comes to
their precious, precious gold. One particularly unsavory fellow (he lived
in Newark) who caught a leprechaun and demanded its gold got more than he
asked for. The leprechaun turned him and all his friends into gold pieces.
You can even see their little horrified faces on the coins. |
Mojo Bones
Somewhere along the
line, people discovered that various bones carved with pseudo-meaningful
rune symbols and tied with scraps of rope made a really cool
fortune-telling gimmick. This in and of itself is harmless. However, these
bones were dug up outside of Bradford-on-Avon and belong to a long-dead
Nephilim. The bones of a creature with a human for a mother and an angel
for a father are not to be messed with. Not only did every so-called
prediction come catastrophically true, but the fortune-teller developed an
acute case of leprosy and sent the bones to the RDT in a desperate panic.
The RDT wasn't able to save her, of course, but the bones are in a safe
place. |
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Monkey's Paw
Pretty much everyone has
heard about the dangers of monkey's paws. It's a wishing device - each
owner gets one wish per withered, clawed finger. However, each wish is
flawed and distorted in some way, no matter how innocent the wish. You may
wish for a winning lottery ticket - but it will be expired. You may wish
for a riding mower - but you will fall off and get mowed under. You may
wish for a turkey sandwich, but the turkey will be a little dry. It's best
not to even make the attempt. A previous intern once wished herself right
out of existence. |
Screaming Skulls
Screaming skulls are
part folklore, part haunted house mythos. If a skull of someone who met
with a wrongful death is kept inside of a house, it will psychically
scream until everyone in the house is insane and they've either killed
themselves or solved the mystery and given the skull a proper burial.
Astute visitors will note that some of
these skulls have horns. That should be your first clue that there's
something amiss with these skulls. A pissed off human ghost is bad enough,
can you imagine what a pissed off demon screaming skull would be like?
These have been gathered up by HUD home loan inspectors over the years.
Denied their proper burial, they're still pretty annoyed. Golem smashed
the first few to make too much noise, so now they spend their time playing
pinochle instead of screeching in futile rage. (Pencils/Inks by
Matt Genier.) |
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The Tarot of Clear
and Brutal Truth
Another fortune-telling
device. This deck was created by 1984's most celebrated telekinetic
astrologer psychotherapist. I'm sure I don't need to tell you his name.
Through a painstaking process combining all of his talents, he created a
tarot deck that explicitly told you what you needed to know about your
past, present, and future, whether you wanted to hear it or not.
Needless to say, it proved very
unpopular. Most people simply didn't like to hear that their future
relationships would include "great sex, but that's about it." Neither did
the those who were drawn as "doormats," "losers," "fraud failures," or
"insufferable jackasses." Suicide rates skyrocketed. Bookstores couldn't
move them off the shelves at all, and since the cards' creator had gone
into the Witness Protection Program, couldn't be returned. Thus, many
bookstores sent their overstock to the RDT, not knowing quite what else to
do with them. The RDT accepted them as an "iffy" - because of the suicide
rates - but Ms. Harper just uses them as coasters for her coffee mug. |
Van Buren's
Skipping Stone
Martin Van Buren (who
had the craziest sideburns of all the Presidents) wished upon and skipped
this rock all the way across the Potomac on the night that William Henry
Harrison, to whom he had lost the election, was inaugurated into the
Presidency. Days later, Harrison caught pneumonia, and a month later, he
died. A guilt-stricken Van Buren retrieved the stone from the opposite
shore and ordered it locked up in the RDT. |
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Will-o'-the-Wisps
These indistinct
flitters of light reside in Folklore's Home for the atmosphere.
Disconnected from a non-superstitious population, they got homesick and
decided to live someplace where so many wonderful and familiar objects are
stored. They are friendly and helpful. Many times, Davis has tied a string
around one of them and used it to find his way around the impossible
hallways. They have flawless navigation and enjoy the attention. |
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