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Self-Guided Tour: The Medical Wing

Surgical Tools of Ancient Rome

Those crazy Romans and their medical techniques! The R.D.T. has a frighteningly extensive collection of these crude, bronze implements. Pictured at the right are some bone levers. The Romans also used bronze bloodletting devices, speculums, forceps, and - eek - male catheters. Needless to say, very dangerous compared to modern medicine.

Cabinets of FDA Disapproved Drugs

The Food and Drug Administration requires extensive safety testing of any proposed medicine.

Within these blue-glassed cabinets are the ones that the FDA really, really rejected.

Gallery of Conditions

A brilliant but terribly insane and misguided medical doctor invented a process several years ago to distill disease from any living human. It was an inspired attempt to cure them, but unfortunately, it also involved a hideous and excruciating death. He kept these experiments secret, hoping to find a disease he could extract without killing anyone. The doctor eventually met his own end after being stabbed accidentally in the eye with a fork at a dinner party. The officials sent to clean out his offices found a charming and brightly colored (and oddly labeled) collection of jars. Upon inhaling a whiff of gonorrhea, the head official decided that "locked up and far the Hell away from me" was the best place for the several hundred bottles.

The Muscle Liquidifier

Invented by the Russians during the 1970s, this curious-looking device uses hypersonic sound waves (they travel through those big stabbing parts) to reduce solid muscle into a watery, gelatinous mass. The original goal was surgical. Used in very localized areas, the muscle would soften temporarily, allowing surgeons to operate beneath muscle without cutting it or requiring physical therapy. At one point however, someone got the bright idea to dispatch international secret agents with it. They made the levels go to "eleven" and gave many a swanky spy a final resting place in a puddle of their own Jell-O. Upon the collapse of the U.S.S.R., the CIA confiscated the device and turned it over to the R.D.T.

2002-2004 Amanda Hardy