Danger Showcase

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The Uhoh

The uhoh is a small, timid creature who came into being through the incessant worrying of a Mrs. Nedra Clark, a nail-biter who additionally had the latent ability to form matter out of ectoplasmic mass. He's actually quite useful, as his presence generally warns people of imminent disaster. There is, unfortunately, nothing he can do about it.

Caution Sign

Like every good caution sign, it inspires a certain amount of worry wherever it is placed. It has the strange paradox of being even MORE dangerous when it is not present.

The Mayan Pantheon

Seeing as how the Mayans have all vanished into nowhere (their genius could not save them!), their gods kind of needed someplace to go. Since the Spanish conquistadors were being total jerk-holes and suppressing native religion, this assembly of winged serpents, turtles, monkeys, thunder birds, snakes, giant heads, etc. found themselves homeless for a few hundred years, until the R.D.T. was founded. They requested their hallway be green to remind them of their native jungles, but they don't like the yellow tile much.


A golem of the modern age, computers are pure evil. They inhibit social life, corrupt youth, enable porn to be bought easily and anonymously, generated companies like e-Bay and Microsoft, and it also emits massive undiscovered types of radiation at your face and reproductive organs. Only recently has someone wanted to spend the moolah just to buy one and send to the R.D.T.

Virtual Date Program

The virtual Date program is an unerringly accurate simulation program, designed to predict conditions and behavior of any inputted couple. The strange and horrifying sights it outputs, things that no decent person should ever have to see, landed this soundly on the list of Things That The Pope Thinks Are Bad. Hundreds of Catholics have sent copies.

Wandering Laurie

Wandering Laurie is cursed (don't ask) to wander until she finds a home. However, pirates don't have homes, not even Davey Jones's locker. So Laurie will wander forever. In her afterlife, she's already explored the whole of the physical world. She contents herself now to explore the limitless hallways of the Repository of Dangerous Things.

Little Davey

Little Davey is a little Davis plaything. He says, does, and likes what/who Davis says, does, and likes. Everything that Davis does has a direct impact on him, although if you ask Little Davey, he doesn't like direct impacts, because neither does Davis. He was crafted with loving hands by Mama Zora, and Little Davey and Davis both like loving hands. Only very special people can have an influence on Davis through Little Davey. ShaeDoll is one of them. Ms. Harper could be another.

Mama Zora's Cursed Craft-O-Matic-Bot

Zora Palagi, Italian entrepreneur, foresaw the demand for cute, home-made crafty things at a fraction of the time and cost. She developed the Craft-O-Matic-Bot and tested it in the Amazon, where it's easy to hide bodies. She pissed off an elderly Pygmy Gypsie king though. End Of Story.

The Crafts Room

Crafts stores across the nation have sucked in little old ladies and bled their pocketbooks dry in an attempt to clutter the nation with useless crap. One fed up filthy rich Republican, upon receiving his fifth homemade Christmas wreath, financed a Crafts Room in the RDT as a statement against his great-aunt Hilda, the wreath-giver.

The Au Naturale Camera

Manufactured by the same company that first developed X-ray specs and cigarette pack-sized spy cameras, the Au Natural camera takes the best parts of both inventions and puts them together. It was a hit on college campuses across the nation until it was soundly banned.

The Pit of Shadows

What is black and howling and wants your soul? The shadows in the Pit of Shadows, of course. These are souls, who for some reason, have been rejected from Hell because they WANTED punishment so bad, it would be the most punishing to not give them punishment. Ms. Harper suspects they were lawyers.

Corridor of the Stigmata

Christianity is staggering under the ponderous weight of its own symbolisms. These statues of miraculously bleeding saints are stored in the RDT because, while they are cool, they kind of make a mess. They also attract flies and one of them is known to have syphilis. Can't have that spreading.

Bestiary Staircase

This stairway was constructed by a medieval woodworker to embody the moral interpretations of the allegorical animals from his favorite fables and tales. As punishment for chopping down the tree he used, a fairy cast a spell on the critters and now they come alive on every fairy moon and eat people. This was a problem until it the whole staircase was moved and reassembled at the RDT.

Bottomless Pit

It's a bottomless pit. It sort of migrated to the RDT all on its own Ms. Harper tried getting it to open up under the Pit of Shadows, but the last thing anyone needs is a bottomless pit of lawyers, unless you're the United States. (In which case a bottomless pit wouldn't be enough of them.)

Cellular Phone

Don't you know these things are dangerous? Don't be stupid! Car accidents, brain cancer, annoying interruptions at movies/meetings/classes/etc. Cell phones cause all kinds of dangerous things and situations. For pete's sake, don't talk and drive, and turn it off before you go inside, idiot.

The Permanent Records

Do you remember when you were in school, and the principal threatened you with putting things in your Permanent Record, and it would follow you through the rest of your life? You probably stopped believing that around the age of 12, which is a damn shame. Your record does exist, and it does follow you, all on its own, everything.

Professor Sinbad's Amazing Windcan

Maynard Wilkes was a humble man. All he wanted to do was invent gadgets and play with model trains, but his wife left him for an America's Cup champion. In a fit of jealousy, Maynard invented a perpetual motion machine that generates high-speed winds, unless the cap is on tight. Then he gusted his wife's new lover to Antarctica.

Dynamite Fireworks

Everyone knows at fireworks were invented in China. '49ers during California's gold rush days were so impressed they attempted to emulate them with barn paint and dynamite (rather than the more tame gunpowder). In some respects, failure. In others, success.

Roaring Drunkard Tazer, powered by Shure™

Shure, producers of professional-quality sound engineering equipment, cannibalized their backstock of amplifiers to create Roaring Drunkard Tazers, or RDTs for short. The plan was to market them to club security personnel to deflect even the most inebriated and rabid audience-member. They proved cataclysmically lethal and it was cheaper to ship them than pay union wages for disassembly.

Pygmy Gypsy Dart Shooter

The Pygmy Gypsies are a reclusive tribe of Romany wanderers that went and lost themselves in the Amazon. Suffering the practically universal fate of these people, they were considered cursed and dirty and all those things stupid people think of Gypsies. The Gypsies adopted the dart warfare of the nearby Pygmy tribes and fought back.

Pygmy Gypsy Darts

Gypsies are renowned for their talent at curses and hexes upon those who cross them. Since you're supposed to be quiet when you're hiding in the jungle, the curses were put into dart form (somehow) and are jam-packed with bad luck and misfortune upon those whom they hit. Sort of like Bizarro-world cupid arrows. Woe!

The Extinguisher

Researchers at Los Alamos in the 1940s developed The Extinguisher to try and quell the damage of a massive radioactive explosion. They accidentally tapped into an uncharted region of sub-quantum physics (inadvertently destroying 2,951 worlds on the other end of the universe) and developed... this thing... that gets rid of... anything. It's a very last resort.


Who doesn't love a good ampoule? Scary video designers understand the power of the ampoule. You can put nearly anything in them. Things you probably wouldn't want in your body, otherwise you'd eat it or use eardrops or something! These are steel alloy so they can hold holy water, unholy water, acid, and even Mountain Dew.


Billy Mays and Ron Popiel got drunk one night with Michael Lesko, and together, they had an idea that would change the world. Super-flash-freezing large quantities of meat for long-distance shipping. Lesko got the money, Popiel ran the experiments, and Mays cleaned up the mess with that orange stuff. Well, it worked. Too well.  Scarily so.

Death's Door

What could be more troublesome and dangerous than what lies beyond life? These innocuous doors open onto a barren deathscape, across which anything seeking to use the door must travel. All of the "bad" creatures in strips 50-79 came through this door- some more recently than others.

Tzitzimime of Mictlantecuhtli

Tzitzimime are Aztec monsters of the night- they are the stars that battle the sun at dawn and dusk. By some accounts, they are vampiric, but in all accounts, they are brutal. The skeletal Mictlantecuhtli is the Aztec god of death. He gets to keep the tzitzimime that have died in battle.

Icy Stairs

This stairway is frozen solid for no good reason. Part of the hassle of the R.D.T.'s impossible architecture is that a lot of impossible things happen. Like the Winchester Mansion, only more malicious. Anyway, be sure to go slow and use the handrail. That's what it's there for.

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