Danger Showcase

The R.D.T. is an obscure governmental department, so receives a lot of strange things with varying degrees of dangerousness.

Things are deemed to be dangerous in many ways. For instance, whenever an old woman writes a letter to congress complaining about how the new Diet Coke cans are dangerous, the letter is often forwarded to Mr. Tavlin. Mr. Tavlin obtains a Diet Coke can, which he gives to Ms. Harper to do whatever she does with, and then writes a cordial letter to the old woman letting her know that her letter was received and action was taken. A lot of junk gets built up for this pacification purpose. 

Additionally, if Mr. Tavlin comes across things that might be dangerous, he can make an executive decision about whether it is Repository-worthy. The days when he is really irked with Ms. Harper, he goes out looking with paper shopping bags and loads up.

If you're the right sort of people, however, you know where to send these things yourself... that is where a lot of the more mundane dangerous things come from, though not always. Mr. Tavlin neither knows nor cares to know about most of the R.D.T.'s contents, and many individuals send things that are too dangerous to keep around, yet want to keep them "secret" from prying eyes and the government. The Repository feels obligated to check them in and put them in a proper place, no matter how silly or scary the dangerous thing is. After all, the R.D.T. really is there to serve the public.

Of course, with all of these sources and more, and since the R.D.T. was established in 1721, the poor building has built up a LOT of junk. Davis in particular is baffled by the layout. Even with the basement (which actually has its own basement or two, and which also presumably extends beneath other buildings as well), the building just doesn't seem physically able to hold all of that stuff. Only Ms. Harper (and possibly Golem) truly know what's up.

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Robot of All Destruction

The Robot of All Destruction comes from the future. He was created by the greatest minds of whatever century he came from (he won't tell) and is impervious to damage. He is programmed to ruthlessness, but will not harm so much as a fly until the moment predetermined by his creators. At that moment, he will unleash a near-instantaneous holocaust and destroy the universe, thus purifying existence from the plague of life. (They are all nihilist geniuses in the future.) Ms. Harper is ok with that, apparently.

Horseshoe Crab

Horseshoe crabs are simply hideous animals, throwbacks to prehistoric days with far too many jointed legs, oddly placed eyeballs, and creepy crawliness.

Spare Artist loves them and lets them crawl on his face and eat food out of his mouth.


They live in the Amazon, as well as a lone fella in Ms. Harper's fishtank. He's quite fierce, and if he doesn't get fed at 8am every single day, he jumps out of the tank and sets the fire alarm. Half the time when you feed him, he tries to bite you anyway. This is why Golem feeds him.

Mr. Hydrogen

Mr. Hydrogen is constantly producing hydrogen. If you ask him to tell you his life story, he will make something up about how the government used him to develop the first H-Bomb (they fed him a package of bean burritos). Since hydrogen burns in the presence of oxygen, he's always on fire. If you leave him in a room long enough, he will burn up all the oxygen in the room, and anyone who needs to breathe will die.

Manny Calavera

No one knew where Manny Calavera's train ended up, but now they do.

He runs a poker game in G-746 on Thursday nights.

The Quote Guy

Not really a voodoo doll, the Quote Guy is the manifestation of any person anyone has ever known who incessantly quotes movies. He is pure concentrated annoyance. Thankfully, he is small, and his voice can barely be heard. Ms. Harper suspects he was made by Mama Zora, but she can't prove it.

Chicken Thing

This chicken thing is actually a Japanese spirit that got lost on the way to the bathhouse. He would be sad, but his chirpy outlook and googly eyes won't let him. He's quite cute, and most of the Dangerous Things rub his feathery belly for good luck.


He is really only at the RDT because it seems like fun. Ms. Harper doubts she could really keep him there, no matter how hard she tried.

Duck Number One or Steve

Duck Number One and Steve are twin ducks, both adorable on the outside. However, one of them is terribly evil on the inside while the other is good. You cannot tell which, because they are twins. This duck of the duo is the evil one, and has plotted a daring and reckless escape of the Dangerous Things from their impossibly large brick prison.


Nobbly just wants to be loved. He is covered with a fine coat of velvet.

The Pocket Dimensional Generator

This device powers the interior space of the RDT. When operating (which is always, it is a perpetual motion device powered by the increasing density of black holes), the Pocket Dimensional Generator opens up doors through time and space in which Ms. Harper stores her various neatly categorized gizmos and monsters. When maltreated or operated poorly, the gateways it opens are all wonky and make people vomit.


Drawn out of nothing but ACME-grade graphite and the Spare Artist's imagination, no one is certain yet if Blue has inherited dangerousness or not. While it is true she manifested wearing only a shirt and panties, it's been proven she can wear pants if need be. She has not yet gotten a chance to reveal any dangerousness she may have, aside from competency.

Crazy Girlfriend Magnet

When worn by someone, this rough bead necklace turns into an irresistible magnet for girls who seem to be normal at first, but later turn into obsessives, compulsives, axe murderers, psychotic delusionists, and any other of the range of dangerously crazy girlfriends. The current owner donated it to the RDT in hopes of ridding himself of its curse. Since then, he has had nothing but normal girls, and sometimes even twins.

Spare Artist

The Spare Artist lives in a cramped and unpleasant place labeled "England." He very much wants to escape into America, wreaking his special brand of creative havoc unto audiences everywhere. When he is present, reality is re-visualized into an aspect of his talent. Combined with the ACME pencil (see below) the results can be devastating, if they are not kept in check by the mistress in charge of the R.D.T. She finds him strangely endearing, and as payment for behaving, she lets him look at underwear.

ACME brand #2 pencil

Developed by Warner Brothers Studios for the Space Jam movie, which combined live action with animation, the ACME pencil (which changes reality in a cartoonish manner) was discarded in favor of just drawing cartoons onto the film rather than futzing with reality.

Doll-Eating Plant

A pretty purple flower in a terracotta pot. Related distantly to Charlie Brown's kite-eating tree, this plant eats little girls' toys. Dolls. Even voodoo dolls, if they happen to get too close.

The Greenhouse

This is the place where the less-dangerous plants are kept. They aren't allowed to die out, because what if they popped up anew someplace else? At least this way the RDT is reminded of what (small) dangers they can pose.

The Gratuitizer

Invented by opponents of the MPAA, they used this device to outrage-ify the proportional elements of movies to show them how futile their attempts to regulate what people experience in a movie theater. The MPAA just changed their ratings. This particular gratuitizer was once used to club a baby seal to death, after the user had accidentally hit the "violence" setting while the device was in his pocket at the zoo.


Although very cool in many ways, with countless applications to everyday life, math can make your brain hurt.

The Administrator

The administrator is a seemingly innocuous fellow. His great strength lies in other people's ability to underestimate him. He can quite literally do anything you ask. Not only does this make a person lazy, but it breeds in them an inferiority complex so mighty they are crushed under it. Eventually The Administrator, with his skill for taking care of things, will take over your life and turn you into the tiny go-getter. Eventually he hopes to live in other countries. Fortunately, if you're onto his game, you can tell him to knock it off and he will. Also he likes Cheetos. The knobbly kind, not the puffed junk.

Dream's Bag of Sand

The King of Dreams joins all realities through his realm, and he takes his job quite seriously. He once had many tools to aid him in his work, but saw their existence was unwise, especially when in the hands of others. The plain-looking bag is home to an endless supply of dream stuff, and lets you shape them to your whims. It's quite addicting.


The fun family game of real estate, money management, power, dominance, merciless tycoonery, free parking, and pink five-hundred-dollar bills. Humans play games of Monopoly that last for weeks. Care must be taken when selecting playmates- Monopoly has been scientifically proven to be the most frustrated-rage-inducing game on the market. "Throatful of hotels" and "man-on-a-horse in the eye" are common entries in an emergency room's register.

King of Nightmares

The King of Nightmares is a tiny fellow. Like everything in Dream's realm, he's just doing his job. Which is to manage all the things that scare the pants off people. He's more of a planner than a doer, but that's okay, because who is going to argue with a guy who has a garbage disposal for a mouth? You'd get shredded, like something that a shredding happens to. He's actually quite a nice guy, just don't get in his way when he has something he wants to do.

The Arachnomouse King

The Arachnomouse King earned his position through grueling deathmatches with other arachnomouse contenders. It's a nasty scene that pisses Ms. Harper off every time she sees it, and she gets closer to feeding them all to the Grumbling Ooze  each time. The current King has set forth a policy of peace with Ms. Harper, and has promised to conduct no more deathmatches of royal spiderrodent dominance. The fact that he'll get to keep his position until his peaceful death years from now has nothing to do with it.

The Queen of Dolls

Although she looks somewhat tired, the Doll Queen is an alert and cheerful sort- most likely because she's sewn out of old sugar sacks dyed purple. She's quite fond of her equally stuffed kitty and never lets him go. She would be a wonderful addition to any little girl's toy chest, if she didn't stab everything that annoyed her with pins all the time. Ms. Harper suspects she keeps the pins in her cat- but any effort to remove the cat or the pins would get you stabbed. With pins.

Monkey Deathbot King

The King of Monkey Deathbots is just as wild and uncontrollable as you'd expect. Any time he doesn't get his way, he embarks on a royal infuriation. This earns him the respect and fear of the monkey deathbot legion. His crown is constructed of the teeth of inferior monkey deathbots. What no one knows is that he is secretly in love with the Librarian... the potential for massive destruction on such a huge scale really shivers his timbers.


I'd rather leave this one to your imagination.


Antimatter is the purely opposite substance of matter. It is also incredibly combustible, as any contact with matter causes it to explode with universe-creating force. One gram of antimatter, when exposed to simple air, will make a crater the size of a town. The amount stored in the RDT, suspended in giant vacuum containers in a powerful magnetic field, is enough to pulverize the United States to the Rockies and let the Atlantic flood in (if there's any water left that hasn't vaporized). The antimatter was created during Philo T. Farnsworth's process to invent the television.

Clark's Sunflowers

This unique version of sunflower was bred from strains of the fast-growing plants that responded especially well to sunlight. The result is a sunflower that grows at a monstrously increased pace when exposed to ultraviolet radiation (present in all sunlight). Golem has to come through the Courtyard twice a day and hack the things down before they take over the place. However, they provide nutritious sunflower oil, which is used in the making of several delicious and healthy soups and dishes served in government facilities up and down the Eastern seaboard.

The Fire Pit

Unholy, tentacle-like flames spawn inexplicably from this pit deep within the RDT. The legend goes that the out-of-work gold prospectors hired to dig this branch of the RDT in 1855 got a little overeager (or optimistically greedy) and tapped into the pits of Hell. They were never seen again.

Pure Purplonium

These rather harmless-looking rods of violet, lavender, amethyst, and grape are pure purplonium. A crew of wacky scientists, diligent in their totally irrational studies of the universe, are attempting to distill not atoms or neutrons into their purest forms, but colors. They're doing a rather admirable job (and consider themselves almost finished), however, the trouble starts when one pure color touches its compliment. For example, when purpolonium comes into contact with yellownium, a white light and energy so intense is produced, the effect is rather like the atomic bomb on Nagasaki. Structures vanish and shadows are burned into walls. They are stored here in clearly color-coded boxes. Ms. Harper intends to have Davis label the boxes also, in case someone colorblind comes to work for her.


Oxygen... you can't live with it, you can't live without it. Wait, you can live with it. You kinda need it, in fact. As stated by Ms. Harper, however, oxygen is part of the self-destructive cycle of the Earth, which sustains the humans that are killing it. This oxygen is being made an example of. She is showing it who is boss!

Being On Fire

Being on fire. It's dangerous. It could kill you. (If only Davis were so lucky.)

The Librarian

The Librarian isn't a book-lover or even a thinking being in any sense of the word. The Librarian just doesn't like noise. (Which really, is all the qualification one needs for the job.) This Librarian is a stray from the planet Dune. It's especially grumpy because it misses its sand.

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